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Usually when I say that I miss my mommy, it's because there is something going on in my head that I can't get out. But right now I don't know what it is. I am insecure about something, but what? I mean I do have a lot of homework because I have redo something that my professors have changed but still that doesn't seem good enough to be freaking out as much as I am. I just have a few things to do today, nothing that bad. I know that I am nervous about going to a family friend's birthday party thing, but I know them so well that usually I don't freak out as much as this.
It might be that I have already had like two smokes and its only what like 11:30? But that usually doesn't make me feel guilty it just makes me feel gross that I have already had that many. I know that I am thirsty (see water water everywhere), but that doesn't make me feel guilty either. It does make me mad but only because I have to pee a lot afterwards. I wish I knew what was going on in my head.
Maybe it has something to do with something that happened on Wednesday. I was waking from my car to class, when someone that I had class with two summer ago, said hi. When I knew him, he was Kristen, but now he is Christian. I of course said "Hey Girl!" Not only did it make me feel stupid but I thought maybe he would be mad at me. But nothing really happened we just chattted about classes and how they sucked. But I don't know why I still feel guilty about that.
Then on Friday, I called the place where I am looking for a job. I asked if I had it or not. But they didn't know, but I felt guilty that I just said "Do I pretty much have or should I look for something else?" But once again, they probably don't remember that I said that. Only I would keep playing it over and over in my head.
I do feel kind of weird - maybe not guilty - that no one reads this blog. I don't really know what to do about that. I read other people's blogs and comment on their's but no one reads mine or comments on it. I don't really want people who I know really well to read it either because I am sure one day I will want to bitch about them and then they could read it. That would be really bad. How do people get other people to read their blogs?? But once again I don't really feel guilty about that. Just more disappointed it!
I fucking don't know what I am going to do! I have taken my meds and everything. If someone just reads this please give me some advise!!
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