Monday, March 30, 2009

Interesting Day

Today has certainly been an interesting day! And it's only 3 o'clock.

I got to work at my usual time (which is way earlier than it should be). And it my normal Monday morning routine. Then all! I mean the rest of the people did their usual stuff...but I looked at my computer for about 4 hours doing nothing.

Then around 1:30 there was some drama with benefits. And it turns out that I've been right the whole time. What the hell? I know I was right and then my boss told I was only kind of right...but nonetheless...I was still right.

Tonight I am going to drop off April's rent! I am so excited! My first rent check!! SWEET!! I can't really believe it.

Now I am bored

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Just Don't Get It!

I feel like the theme of my life this week is: I just don't get it! At work, at home, with friends, everywhere...I just don't get it! But surprisingly have been okay with just don't getting it lately. I seem almost content with my life (almost being the key word).

So I am moving on the 4th to a Townhouse in Fairfax, which I am really excited about. My parents owe me close to $2,000 so they are paying for all the moving expenses. Which would be awesome if I didn't need all new funiture. Since have had the same funiture in my room since I was about 8, it can't be moved without following to pieces. Which makes part of me laugh because if I wasn't movie out I would never get new funiture. Anyways, my mom keeps telling me to look for sales and I've found many with the funiture I want...but then she tells me not to get it. I just don't get it! It's not like she doesn't have the money or anything, she just is waiting for something better. So I have taken the step to just buy stuff myself and pray that they just pay me back. But nonetheless I just don't get it!

Work has been really crazy because my boss has been in Mexico! She will be back tomorrow and I thank God because I can't do her job and I don't really want to anymore. But if she was here people would clear things with her before doing them, but not that surprisely they don't clear it with me. For example, I was suppose to interview someone at 12:20 and then they would be gone. But of course, someone decides (out of no where) that they are going to take him to lunch. Where did they go? I don't know! How long will they be gone? I don't know. Do they even know that I have a schedule to keep? I don't know. I find it interesting that if my boss was here, she would have beeen asked if that would be okay. But not to me! There would be no way for me to say no...but still it would have been nice to have been asked. I just don't get it!

So my roommates a few (2 to be exact) had a party and I was invited. I met most of their friends and had a great time. There was one guy that I thought was really hot, so I let my roommate know. She of course told him (hence why I told her). I got his number and we went out together. It was really great. And he seemed really interested. But then last night, he went out for St Patrick's Day and drunk texted me that he wished I was with him. I told him this morning that it just made me laugh because I figured he was drunk. We did a little text back and forth...and now he's not answering me. AT ALL!! We are suppose to go out tomorrow, but I don't think he wants to. I have done the whole "He must be asleep!" (because he has the day off) but he is still on maybe he just isn't by his phone. I just don't get it! It makes me nervous...I def thought that he liked me...but I guess not...WHATEVER!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Freezing and Tired

Yesterday, while at the gym, I was thinking a lot. I mostly thought I was going to die if I stayed too long. But when I could actually think clearly, I thought how pointless working out is. I was on the eleptical and I wasn't going anywhere. I mean anywhere. I was running in place. And for that 40 minutes I didn't do anything but think and run. It was weird because I thought about all the other things that I could be doing with that 40 minutes. Like washing my hair (which I did this morning and still got to work before 8) or doing homework for my class. What makes it weird is when I am doing stuff like blogging for a half an hour, I think about the exercise I could be doing. I wish I could do both at the same time. I probably couldn't because I would be more focus on one than the other (it would probably depend on how I felt that day). But in the end all exercising does for me is work off calories and make me hot and sweaty.

I am freezing and tired today. But for the first time this week I have actually got up on time. Monday I didn't get up until 7:30 and then on Tuesday I didn't get up until 8:30. Both are very late, since I am suppose to get up at 6:00 or 6:15. Monday I didn't get into work until 8:50 then Tuesday I didn't get into work until almost 10. It was really bad. But today I got up at 6:00 and then got into work at 7:55. It somewhat amazes me how the in the same week I get here before 8 then other days I don't get here until after 9. This is what I was like in college. I would get there when I got there. When I am done getting ready in the morning I leave. No if, and, or but! I hate waiting around for a time to come. It makes me anxious. I get ready and go.

My co-worker is hopefully getting me some Starbucks because we are both tired and freezing. He slept way less than me last night (because I got the normal 8 hours). He was doing some kind of sleep study and he didn't sleep. That makes me laugh. I guess he thinks that he has some problem with sleeping. I don't really know! But if I had a problem with sleeping I would take like 3 sleeping pills and be done. I don't really understand people's problems with sleeping pills. I don't know a single person who sleeps through the whole night without waking up, unless they are sleeping pills. I do understand the whole "being dependent" on them. But if I have to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life just to sleep through the night, then that's fine with me. I love sleeping.

I am getting really excited about moving. I have picked out all the furiture that I want for my room. My mom says that she is going to buy it for me since she owes me so much money. And I am fine with it. I found a whole collection at Target that I loved. I really want black furiture this time. Maybe it will make my room darker, but I don't really care. I really want to have matching furiture this time. My room has just gotten stuff from all over the place. It's kind of crazy how much stuff I have. My room is smaller in my new place, but I don't really care because it's mine. I get really excited when I think about moving. I am trying to get my mom to order stuff soon. I am not a last minute person. Like I wanted to have my taxes already done by now. But my dad keeps telling me that "we will do next weekend." I am not that kind of person! I want to do it this weekend and get it over with. People are so annoying!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Work Is Crazy

Work for the past few days has been insane. I haven't work so hard at this job in the entire time I've been here. Right now of course I am doing nothing. I am just sitting waiting to do an interview with a potential (but unlikely) sales engineer.

There has been 4 candidates in today. 3 whom are sales engineer and 1 who is a test engineer. Most people in the company new 3 out the 4. It's been a bit crazy trying to have people's schedules work with the interviewees' schedule. Then tonight since 3 out the 4 are sales engineer, we are going to go over what each person thinks of that candidates. That is going to totally suck. One person, who would be the direct supervisor of the sales engineer, is a little crazy. He likes to micromanage. And you'd better bet that this potentailly 30 minute meeting will turn into an hour or so. After all the interviews I still have so much I will need to do. My boss is going out the country for the next week and I will be in charge of HR. Which means I will have to give feedback to all the candidates from today. It will suck!

I hopefully will find out my raise today. I am sure that is the last thing on my boss's mind, but of course that is the first thing on mine. Especially since I am signing my lease on Saturday. My rent isn't bad but still it would be more than half my paycheck as of now. Everyone says that I should be grateful that I have a job let alone getting a raise. But I feel like this raise will have something to do with how grateful they are to have me. But of course, it probably doesn't! For all I know they could be waiting to fire me. IDK!!

Signing My Lease

On Saturday at 11 am, I will be signing my lease. That means that this whole thing is becoming real. I am actually moving out of my parent's house. I honestly can't believe it.

Last Saturday I went to a party at my future house and had so much fun. I did drink a little too much and then the whole time change messed me up, but other than that I had a real good time. It was fun to be with my roommates. They will definitely bring out the fun side of me. Of course I will make sure that I won't have too much fun. But nonetheless, I won't be boring anymore.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Thank God It's Friday!

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I got a call back from a house that I was very interested in living in. I loved it! I already picked out my room and everything. The down side is that I have to share a bathroom. But thankful it's with another girl. There will be 4 girls (including me) in a TownHouse in a nice area of NOVA. I <3 it!

I met two of the roommates yesterday. They seemed great! And they smoke! While I don't care if I live with people that don't smoke. It's helpful that they do smoke so that I am not the weird one out. I am moving in April 4th. They want me to move in the 1st but I have class on Wednesdays.

What would top off the whole day is if I find out what my raise is. I started out hoping to be salary and make 35 a year. But then I thought that maybe that was reaching too high. So then I thought want to get $1,000 after taxes per paycheck. That would be about $5 per hour raise. Then I had my performance review and once again that seemed too high. So now I am settling for $1 raise. I hope I find out today!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Finally I got an appointment with my therapist. It's only taken a few weeks! Well more like 2 months. I am so glad that that is going to happen.

But now I am having one of the worst anxiety attacked that I've had in a while. So once again I will do the I COPE things

I: Identify Stress: 1) moving 2) class and 3) sickness

C: Communication Skills: 1) should be to seek out friends for support 2) assertiveness and just look at how I am feeling when its time for class and 3) once again assertiveness and see how I feel and if I need to go home then I will

O: Organization Skills: 1) Planning: I am looking a house and apartments. I need to realize that I really couldn't move out until April 1st. That is how I need to present my side when I look for a place to live 2) Priotizing: if I am sick I just need to go home. Class will go on without me 3) Pacing: I need to do what I am able to do. If I am working to fast and hard, then I need to slow down because I really can't get sicker

P: Perceptive Skills: 1) Letting go: I can't help the fact that I don't have a place to live so I am taking positive steps to get out of the house. I can't find a place any fast then I am looking. 2) Re-labling: class isn't the be all and end all of my Wednesday. Frankly if I miss this class no one will care or even notice I am gone. 3) Umm...sick is sick and I just have to live with it. So I guess accepting things I can't change??

E: Enhancement Skills: 1) Gentleness: I have to tell myself that it's okay to not have a place to live right now. 2 and 3) Take care of my body through eating, sleeping and excerise. If I can't go to class tonight, then I can't go to class tonight.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I'm Going Crazy :(

I can't believe how sick a person can get in a few hours! I've been at work since about 8 am. I felt perfectly fine. I mean I was coughing and had a headache, but that was it. Now I feel my eyes closing when I am doing nothing and they are watering like no other. My head feels like it weights 20 pounds. My noise won't stop running. When I cough, it hurts my chest. WOH IS ME!

But then I think I only have a few hours left so I should just stay. Then I can go home and sleep. Then I realize I am suppose to be looking at an apartment today. I think I can cancel it because hell I'm sick. But what if it is the one! The one and only that I will want to live in. Truthfully I probably couldn't pull the money together to get it. But what if! Really? I mean I found a perfect I mean perfect place, but I turned it down because of a lot of things. And I know that I'm not going to be so in love with place like that. What if the place I am going to see today is better than the one I turned down. I mean I seriously doubt it is. The area in which it is in isn't a bad place, but it's not the place that people who have liked in NOVA there whole lives want to move.

I really don't know. So what am I doing about? I am being very grown up and calling my mom. Well actually I texted her to call me when she is out of work. I know I know! But I just need resurance! That doesn't seem that bad to me. She will probably tell me just to come home. I know she will. And really I have fallen in love with another place (which I haven't seen yet) and I am going there on Saturday.

Dude! If I could go back in time, I would say to my mom and dad that there is no rush for me to move out (which is completely true). I also wouldn't have told anyone that I am looking to move out. Well in fact I didn't, it was my mom. Now people ask me everyday if I have found somewhere. Or you need to look here or at this place or "You can have this." It's really stressful. So God only know why I am doing this to myself.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Snow Day

I hate hate hate snow. When I was in school I didn't mind it as long as we were off school. Now that I work and my company never closes, I hate it. Since I am admin there is always something for me to do and I can't work from home. So here I am at work with like the rest of my company at home.

I am really sick today. Well for the last few days. I thought that I just had a cold or something on Friday. So I just took it easy and didn't do Fridays on Friday. Then on Saturday my parents went out so I just stayed in my pjs all day. I watched crap TV and it felt GREAT!! On Sunday I met with people about moving out and that was very anxiety provoking. Then I had to see FridaysMom after her surgery. That was actually okay. Then about 2 o'clock. I thought that I was going to die just sitting there. So I went home and rested. That's kind of when I was thinking maybe this isn't a cold since my cough is so bad. But then I thought that it could be a chest cold.

Today I woke up at my regular time and did my routine. I went out for a smoke and realize how much snow there was. I knew that we were suppose to get 4-6 inches but those people are always wrong. So I was really surprised when it happened. Then I continued my routine. Then I heard my mom talking and usually she is at work by 6 am. So I thought something was wrong. Well it turns out that she is working 10 am - 6pm today. So once agian I was on my routine.

My blackberry gets my work emails. And the usually people were email in that they weren't able to make it. Some of them is because they are lazy and just want an excuse. Others I believe can't truly make it in because they live so far away. Then someone who always makes it said he was coming in late. That's when I started think that maybe I would go in late too. This guy lives like 3 miles from work and I live at least 5! Then I got an email from the CEO who said "use your best judgement." That was when I was thinking "My best judgement says that they don't pay me enough to risk my life to go into work."

Then unfortunately I talked with my dad, who grew up in the Mid-West where they never ever cancel schools etc. He said that if it takes "superhuman effort" to get into work then I shouldn't go. So of course I was like "It would take superhuman effort!" He then looked me straight in the eyes and said "I think you can make it in." I was like "FINE!!"

I called my mom right as I got to work to let her know I was okay. And to tell her that all the roads were crap. She then said to me "Well I wasn't going to go in but since my FairyBerry made it in I will go." Then I was like "What? Dad said I could make it in." She said "He just wanted to see some effort on your part. If you just cleaned off your car, it would have been enough." I couldn't believe it. My dad was playing mind games with me. I almost got into 2 crashes (with the same car :P) because my dad wanted me to make an effort! LAMENESS!!

I felt unsafe coming to work today, but I came. I feel like crap and have a horrible cough, but I am still here. I have nothing to do, but I still find busy work. All because my dad wanted me to make an effort. Like I am 12 years old! OMG my life is crap.