Thursday, February 12, 2009

I need to Journal

I feel like I need to journal but I am at work so I can't so here we go...

My cousin, Short Girl, is getting a divorce. Well not exactly. See she went to NYC for her birthday and then when it was time to go back to London, where her husband lives, she didn't get on the plane. She said "I just couldn't do it." So her mom, Favorite Auntie, told her to come down to us in VA. She fought about it when her mom, but eventually came.

At first, when it was just her and me. It was great. I would talk her through what she was feeling. She would just listen and do what I said because mostly she was so numb. But she would help me do things to. I join a gym so that we could get our nervous energy out. It was wonderful.

Then Favorite Auntie came on Monday. Which is fine...she is my favorite auntie after all. But then Short Girl got all needy. She didn't understand why her parents would only pay for half of her NYC apartment. She also didn't understand why they expected her to get a job as soon as possible.

I don't feel sorry for her in those areas. I mean if my parents paid for half of an apartment around her, I would be able to afford a great apartment. And of course she needs a job...SHE'S 25 YEARS OLD!! But I have learned that she is spoiled and that when she doesn't get what she wants she gets pissed.

Then on Tuesday, my mom, Short Girl, Favorite Auntie, and I went out to dinner. And for some freaking reason, my sexual abuse came up. I mean really?? What the hell?? And I started cry and then I was over it. I told them that I didn't want to talk about it and they didn't. GREAT!!!!!

Then as we were walking into the house. My cousin told me that I was allowed to be a slut because I was sexual abuse. And I started crying again. I mean What the hell?? I don't need someone to tell me what I can and cannot be. And why I am things. Then I was over that after a smoke.

But now she just "Me, me, me!" She feels the need to call me and just tell me how horrible her life is and that she doesn't know what she should do. I am like "Do what you can live with." But of course that's not the right answer. She wants me to help her decide. Which of course I won't do. Then this morning, while I am at work she calls to tell me she had a bad dream about the whole situation with her husband. So I listen and add "Oh" "Wow" etc. Then she asks me what it means. I tell her that she is stressing about the situation and fears the worst will happen. And that's what gave her a bad dream. Well that answer isn't good enough for her. She wants me to tell her what every part of the dream means. What she should do about. I am like "Nothing! Just journal about it" But still thats not good enough. I lie and say I have a meeting and get off the phone.

I am so tired! I don't want to try to fix her. I am done!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

liz said...

Good for you for disengaging.

I don't get why your family seems to need you to be both the one with the major problems and the one who can fix everything for everyone else.


Hugs, toots! I'm glad you're posting.