Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Blah- I haven't been here in years!

I feel like I haven't been here in years. I feel like I haven't been to work in years. I feel like I haven't been emotionally and physically in the place I am in years. And truthfully I haven't.

I feel depressed and sick. Now am I feeling sick because I am depressed? Or am I feeling depressed because I am sick? I don't really know and it doesn't seem to really matter.

I am so done with my family being at my house. I love them but they are so messy and they mess up my schedule. Sometimes I just want to go home and read, but my cousin wants to talk about how horrible her life is. I feel obligated to listen. But she doesn't really want to hear how I feel about things. It's totally lame. My aunt is being helpful with dinner and stuff, but when she gets upset at my cousin, the whole house is in an uproar. It's frankly horrible.

My dad and I were talking this morning about how we just want them to leave. I do love them, but I am sick of the fighting and manipulation. My cousin everyday tries to get into a fight with my aunt about anything and everything. Then when I try to tell her that her mom is doing the best that she can, my cousin flips out. She talks about that it's not good enough and that no one understands her. I point out that it's because she is being unrational. She doesn't want to listen to anyone else.

My emotions are all over the place. I just freaking tired. Like now I am at work, but I can't stop thinking about what's going on at home. I am very grateful I am at work because then I don't have to deal with it, but it consumps my every thought and every feeling. And everyone in my family is stressed. Since my mom is going to London with them, she is stressed about packing and money. FavoriteAuntie is stressed that ShortGirl is trying to get into a fight with her every single second. ShortGirl is just being irrational about everything and anything that comes to mind. My dad just wants them to go and I just feel sick and depressed.

I know that the end is near. They are leaving tomorrow afternoon and I won't see them. I have work and then class. But I just want them to be gone tonight. My cousin really wants to go to the gym and my thing is that I'd rather go to the gym right after work. Instead we wait until much later to go to the gym. I know that it is less crowded but I'd rather wait for equipment then go late. I am an early to bed kind of person. I love sleeping so not sleeping is not an option. I might work longer today though so that I can leave early tomorrow and Thrusday. I am so sick of work right now.

I am so tired of people calling me too. I have no idea where things are at their desk or who to call to tell them they are going to be late. I don't really care. I just need some sleep.

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