February 22nd

I feel that this will be a very uneventual day. I am already bored and I've only been at work for a few hours.

My mom got back from London yesterday. It was nice to see her. I know that I am 22, but I really do miss the little things that she does for me. Like putting out my coffee cup in the morning. Not that is a hard thing for me to do in the morning, but it's nice.

So ShortGirl is not back with her husband. They are doing a trail separation. Its seems logical to me. But I guess not to him. He refused to take her back and then cried when she packed up her stuff. It just seems very weird to me. How can you be upset with someone who is just doing what is needed. I guess in the end he said he would try to stop drinking for her. He said he would try to do AA. I think this is a good positive step but maybe he won't go. And it will be hard to know from NYC.

Nothing more interesting to say.

My Schedule for Today

I have a plan for today...which may not happen but at least I have a plan.

I am here at work and I decided that I will leave a 4:30 since I got here at 7:45. Then I am going to go home and do my hair. I will get ready for tomorrow (lunch, clothes, etc). Then I am going to head to the gym. I feel like I really need to go because I talked to my mom this morning.

My aunt, cousin and mom got to London at 2 am EST, which was 7 am GMT. They can not check into their hotel until 3 pm GMT. So when I talked to my mom they were at my cousin's flat. Her husband did some really nice things for her. Like he left out her engagement ring (which they had been fighting over), he cleaned the flat, and laid out her mail. This made my cousin think that he was a really great guy that she didn't want to let go of if there was something to save. I can't believe it! I told her that her marriage was over even if she went back to him. I also told her that he would be nice to her in front of my mom and aunt. And in the end she would feel that it was easier just to stay with him. But did she listen to me? No!

My mom keeps telling me that it's not my place to decide about their marriage. I of course know that. But at the same time I know my cousin...and whatever easiest is what she is going to do. It's ridicuous. He may have done a few nice things for her, but in the end he said some really mean stuff to her as well. I feel that the bad words out weigh the good actions. And God only know what will happen when they see each other in a few days (I think they are meeting on Friday).

If I could say anything to my cousin right now it would be:

"Look, you are being a lustful wife! You told me that you wanted to leave him. You said you felt bad about doing it too. But in the end you said that he needs to stop drinking for you to go back to him. And has he? Has he said that he will stop drinking? I doubt it. ShortGirl, it's over! A few nice things that a husband should do for his wife anyways, does not out weigh the fact that he said that he would resent you for the rest of his life if he stopped drinking. Or the fact that he said that he was not sexually attracted to you anymore. Like I told you at the resturant, it may be easier to go back to him, but in the end we will end up right back here in maybe a few weeks, or maybe a few years. But in the end the marriage is over. He did not fight for you to come back. He never even said come back. All he said was 'I wish you would reconsider!' And you have considered everything. Weighed the pros and cons and in the end you found him coming up short. So go back to him if you really love him, but not because it's easier! It's not worth it."

*

"I remember what you were like in NYC. And I never want to see you back there again. You are better than that! Plus you are like 5 levels above him on the hottness scale. I love you and support whatever decision you make. But like I said when you were here, you have to call me and explain why you are staying yourself. And if it irrational, I will let you know. And if it a rational reason, then stay."

*

But of course she might flip out if I say this to her. But the more I think about it, the more I will want to say it. I am kind of at a lose of what to do. Hence why I will go to the gym and work my ass off to clear my head. And hopefully either give me the strength to not send it or give me the strength to send it. I just don't know what to do.

*

I realize that people have to make their own mistakes. But this is pretty big mistake to make to me. She hated London. She had no social life. She wasn't happy! And your husband didn't make it better. In fact, he made it worse. I just don't know what to do!

England

It took me especially long to get into work today. I know that I left about 30 minutes later than I usually do, but it must have been all the snow and everything. I felt like I was at this one light for 20 minutes.

*

Today my family and my mom leaves for England. I am happy and sad. I am happy that they are leaving because I miss my routines and my bathroom to myself. But I am sad because my mom is leaving. I am always sad when my mom goes to England. I don't really know why. I mean I do...kind of. That was the first time I flipped out. Or at least that was the first time everyone noticed that I was really sick. So it's anxiety provoking! I know that she will have a wonderful time though. I know that she really really want to see LondonCousin. My mom is her Godmother. And of course we hardly ever see them because of the distance.

*

I am kind of sad that ShortGirl is going. She is like the big sister that I never had. I mean she and I do a lot together. We motativate each other to go to the gym. Like yesterday, I really didn't want to go but she really did so we went. It was actually not a good workout but it was better than nothing. And now I have a smoking buddy. My real sister was my smoking buddy before she went to college, but since she is gone it has only been me.

*

I won't miss all the stuff that FavoriteAuntie and ShortGirl use. It's crazy how much stuff we have gone through since they have been here. Thankfully they didn't like my shampoo and conditioner. But the amount of toliet paper and paper towels and food that we have gone through. I can't believe that at one time my brother and sister lived with us too. When it's just my parent and me, we run the dishwasher like everyother day. But now we have been having to run it everyday.

*

And I definitately won't miss the fighting that goes on. ShortGirl is always on the phone and no matter who she is talking to, there is a fight. It's like she wants to get into a fight or something. I am definitately not one for fighting. I feel like you don't get anything done other than get mad at the other person. Which I feel is stupid

*

I will miss FavoriteAuntie telling me how much I am helping ShortGirl and her. She pretty much tells me everyday. I think it's reason it works out is due to my age. ShortGirl and I are pretty close in age so I can tell her she is being irrational in a way that she will understand. I always can tell her honestly what I think about what she is doing without her getting mad at me. Because I've been through similar situations and know what should be said. I always say it in a way that doesn't offend her. Because I know what offended me when I was going through hell.

*

I know that my dad and I will have a good time without my mom. We always seem to get closer when she leaves. We watch crappy TV together and laugh about all the stupid things that happen on the show. Like right now our favorite show is American Idol. It's always fun to watch how stupid people are on the show, especially the judges. We alway have fun making dinner together. We pretty much like the same kinds of food and we make it in the way that we like. Our favorite meal is homemade hamburgers. I don't know why but they sometimes taste better than 5 Guys. And we never use buns. We always use toast, which makes it significantly better.

*

I am sure that my mom will have a good time and I know that ShortGirl won't. I am expecting a lot of calls from everyone when they are in England. Which I don't really mind because then I can tell them what English Chocolates they have to bring me back.

I COPE

So I am really stressed out. My therapist gave me this worksheet called I COPE. Now I am finally going to try it.

Identifying stress: What am I stressed about? I feel like saying everything under the sun, but I doubt that is really identifying the stress. I really think it has to be with a few things. First, is my family is still here, which I have bitched about a few times. But another is that my cousin keeps telling me to come home from work. Which really wouldn't be a big deal because obviously I am not doing much because I am blogging. But I don't really want to use my Paid Time Off. While it's boring it feels better to interact with people who are not my family.

Communiate Skills: Expressing your needs and saying "no." So far so good on that one. I am still at work. My need is to stay at work so that I can take time off in August to go to England for my cousin's wedding. I need to stay at work to feel somewhat sane. But it is getting harder and harder to say no. I mean why the hell can't I take off work. Does it really matter that much?

Organization Skills: Prioritizing. My number one priority is work. I can lose this job, especailly in this economy. And my cousin won't remember that I took off work to take care of her in a few weeks. She will be in NYC doing whatever she does. Maybe she will have a job or something and I will the furthest from her mind. But I know that my boss will remember that I took off and I certainly will.

Perception Skills: Letting go. I need to let go of the fact that my cousin just wants attention. Maybe that is accepting the fact...Anyway, I need to learn that she will do anything for attention especially right now. This is not a new behavior for her. So I need to let go of this anger that she is making me feel guilty. I mean this is how she is, right or wrong, it's how she is.

Enchancement Skills: Relaxation. I can't really do this at work. I usually would just read or blog. But I am at work. I could just go for a smoke. But I've already smoked like half my pack today. Anyone with suggestions?

Whatever!!

So I am at work again! Which is not unusal for a Friday. But I feel like I live here. I never really felt that way when I was in college.

*

Today I am going to stay positive but it's becoming really hard. People are annoying me! And I am just plain tired. I awoke up this morning and my whole body was just tired. I went the computer to check my email and my hand could hardly hold the mouse. I thought I was going to fall asleep while I was driving. But I didn't and I made it here.

*

I am thankful that I don't have to go out with Friday'sFriend! I love going out with her but I am not really in the mood to deal with ShortGirl and her together for a few hours. I am looking forward to working out because finally my iPod is back in service. I have been reading while working out and that has been good. But I don't really focus on the work out when I am reading a really great part.

*

So my family wants to go to Richmond this weekend. And like said before I am not going to go. But it looks like they may not go because my sister is really sick. My mom feels like she should go done there to take care of her. But my sister is not a happy camper when she is sick. Like at all. She is winy and crappy. I do miss my sister but I want to see her when she is healthy and happy. But anyway, back to the original problem. They might not go down there and that means another day with ShortGirl. I do love her, don't get me wrong. But it is so stressful. I feel like I might hit her if she complains one more time. Woh is her right now. But I don't think she sould milk it for all it's worth. I feel angery that she's not grateful for what we have done with her. I mean she was suppose to go back to England, not come stay with us. She is ungrateful when we give her stuff. And it's like OH MY GOD, REALLY.

*

Enough about her. I offically hate Valentine's Day! It is a horrible holiday. I mean people get you chocolate that you don't like and if one gets you anything you feel lonely and upset. I do realize that today is Friday the 13th and V-Day is tomorrow, but of course I got stuff for people at work. Like my boss and some of my friends and I feel sad that no one remembered me. I have been telling FridaysFriend that I got her something, but now she feels like she has to get me something. And I know it's the thougth that counts and everything, but it does make me feel lonely. I am sure that my mom and dad will at least get me a card. They always do. And this year for once I did get my mom and dad a card. I never really thought about giving them stuff before. But I guess I am growing up and want them both to have something.

*

I can't believe about the plane crash in Buffalo. It makes me sad, but at least that is what taking up the news day instead of some bullshit that I couldn't care less about. But still it's really sad.

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I want to thank everyone for their kind words on the whole weight thing.