Freezing and Tired

Yesterday, while at the gym, I was thinking a lot. I mostly thought I was going to die if I stayed too long. But when I could actually think clearly, I thought how pointless working out is. I was on the eleptical and I wasn't going anywhere. I mean anywhere. I was running in place. And for that 40 minutes I didn't do anything but think and run. It was weird because I thought about all the other things that I could be doing with that 40 minutes. Like washing my hair (which I did this morning and still got to work before 8) or doing homework for my class. What makes it weird is when I am doing stuff like blogging for a half an hour, I think about the exercise I could be doing. I wish I could do both at the same time. I probably couldn't because I would be more focus on one than the other (it would probably depend on how I felt that day). But in the end all exercising does for me is work off calories and make me hot and sweaty.

I am freezing and tired today. But for the first time this week I have actually got up on time. Monday I didn't get up until 7:30 and then on Tuesday I didn't get up until 8:30. Both are very late, since I am suppose to get up at 6:00 or 6:15. Monday I didn't get into work until 8:50 then Tuesday I didn't get into work until almost 10. It was really bad. But today I got up at 6:00 and then got into work at 7:55. It somewhat amazes me how the in the same week I get here before 8 then other days I don't get here until after 9. This is what I was like in college. I would get there when I got there. When I am done getting ready in the morning I leave. No if, and, or but! I hate waiting around for a time to come. It makes me anxious. I get ready and go.

My co-worker is hopefully getting me some Starbucks because we are both tired and freezing. He slept way less than me last night (because I got the normal 8 hours). He was doing some kind of sleep study and he didn't sleep. That makes me laugh. I guess he thinks that he has some problem with sleeping. I don't really know! But if I had a problem with sleeping I would take like 3 sleeping pills and be done. I don't really understand people's problems with sleeping pills. I don't know a single person who sleeps through the whole night without waking up, unless they are sleeping pills. I do understand the whole "being dependent" on them. But if I have to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life just to sleep through the night, then that's fine with me. I love sleeping.

I am getting really excited about moving. I have picked out all the furiture that I want for my room. My mom says that she is going to buy it for me since she owes me so much money. And I am fine with it. I found a whole collection at Target that I loved. I really want black furiture this time. Maybe it will make my room darker, but I don't really care. I really want to have matching furiture this time. My room has just gotten stuff from all over the place. It's kind of crazy how much stuff I have. My room is smaller in my new place, but I don't really care because it's mine. I get really excited when I think about moving. I am trying to get my mom to order stuff soon. I am not a last minute person. Like I wanted to have my taxes already done by now. But my dad keeps telling me that "we will do next weekend." I am not that kind of person! I want to do it this weekend and get it over with. People are so annoying!

England

It took me especially long to get into work today. I know that I left about 30 minutes later than I usually do, but it must have been all the snow and everything. I felt like I was at this one light for 20 minutes.

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Today my family and my mom leaves for England. I am happy and sad. I am happy that they are leaving because I miss my routines and my bathroom to myself. But I am sad because my mom is leaving. I am always sad when my mom goes to England. I don't really know why. I mean I do...kind of. That was the first time I flipped out. Or at least that was the first time everyone noticed that I was really sick. So it's anxiety provoking! I know that she will have a wonderful time though. I know that she really really want to see LondonCousin. My mom is her Godmother. And of course we hardly ever see them because of the distance.

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I am kind of sad that ShortGirl is going. She is like the big sister that I never had. I mean she and I do a lot together. We motativate each other to go to the gym. Like yesterday, I really didn't want to go but she really did so we went. It was actually not a good workout but it was better than nothing. And now I have a smoking buddy. My real sister was my smoking buddy before she went to college, but since she is gone it has only been me.

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I won't miss all the stuff that FavoriteAuntie and ShortGirl use. It's crazy how much stuff we have gone through since they have been here. Thankfully they didn't like my shampoo and conditioner. But the amount of toliet paper and paper towels and food that we have gone through. I can't believe that at one time my brother and sister lived with us too. When it's just my parent and me, we run the dishwasher like everyother day. But now we have been having to run it everyday.

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And I definitately won't miss the fighting that goes on. ShortGirl is always on the phone and no matter who she is talking to, there is a fight. It's like she wants to get into a fight or something. I am definitately not one for fighting. I feel like you don't get anything done other than get mad at the other person. Which I feel is stupid

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I will miss FavoriteAuntie telling me how much I am helping ShortGirl and her. She pretty much tells me everyday. I think it's reason it works out is due to my age. ShortGirl and I are pretty close in age so I can tell her she is being irrational in a way that she will understand. I always can tell her honestly what I think about what she is doing without her getting mad at me. Because I've been through similar situations and know what should be said. I always say it in a way that doesn't offend her. Because I know what offended me when I was going through hell.

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I know that my dad and I will have a good time without my mom. We always seem to get closer when she leaves. We watch crappy TV together and laugh about all the stupid things that happen on the show. Like right now our favorite show is American Idol. It's always fun to watch how stupid people are on the show, especially the judges. We alway have fun making dinner together. We pretty much like the same kinds of food and we make it in the way that we like. Our favorite meal is homemade hamburgers. I don't know why but they sometimes taste better than 5 Guys. And we never use buns. We always use toast, which makes it significantly better.

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I am sure that my mom will have a good time and I know that ShortGirl won't. I am expecting a lot of calls from everyone when they are in England. Which I don't really mind because then I can tell them what English Chocolates they have to bring me back.

Another Post because another day

So I am leaving for Toledo in 3 days. I am so excited! I finally get to leave my messed up family to see my other part of my messed up family. Its actually not too bad. I finally get to see my brother. I haven't seen him in months. I never really realized how much I miss him, until the other day when we talk on the phone for an hour. I think I was kind of boring him but it was okay. He actaully ask for advice from me, too. It was amazing. Being the sanest one in my family is kind of weird!

My dad finished IOP yesterday which is good. Then this morning at like 6:30 he wanted to talk about positive thinking. Which of course is fine...but not at 6:30...not so much! I know that he has gotten better, but he is still not well. I know that it's like I am psychoanalyzing him or whatever, but its true. What can I say, I am a psych major.

The job search is coming up a negative...I know no experience in anything that I want to do, so I can't get a job. Its a catch 22! I hate it more than anything else. I know that my dad is getting nervous about this summer but I don't know what I want to do. I think I might try and get a job in Toledo at my uncle's law firm...if he will hirer me. I don't know if my parents would be down for that, but hey its not what you know, its who you, when you try to get into a law firm. And well I know my uncle...so there! I don't know where I would live if I did that, but thats seems like a side item right now. I just need a job!!!!!!!!!