Freezing and Tired

Yesterday, while at the gym, I was thinking a lot. I mostly thought I was going to die if I stayed too long. But when I could actually think clearly, I thought how pointless working out is. I was on the eleptical and I wasn't going anywhere. I mean anywhere. I was running in place. And for that 40 minutes I didn't do anything but think and run. It was weird because I thought about all the other things that I could be doing with that 40 minutes. Like washing my hair (which I did this morning and still got to work before 8) or doing homework for my class. What makes it weird is when I am doing stuff like blogging for a half an hour, I think about the exercise I could be doing. I wish I could do both at the same time. I probably couldn't because I would be more focus on one than the other (it would probably depend on how I felt that day). But in the end all exercising does for me is work off calories and make me hot and sweaty.

I am freezing and tired today. But for the first time this week I have actually got up on time. Monday I didn't get up until 7:30 and then on Tuesday I didn't get up until 8:30. Both are very late, since I am suppose to get up at 6:00 or 6:15. Monday I didn't get into work until 8:50 then Tuesday I didn't get into work until almost 10. It was really bad. But today I got up at 6:00 and then got into work at 7:55. It somewhat amazes me how the in the same week I get here before 8 then other days I don't get here until after 9. This is what I was like in college. I would get there when I got there. When I am done getting ready in the morning I leave. No if, and, or but! I hate waiting around for a time to come. It makes me anxious. I get ready and go.

My co-worker is hopefully getting me some Starbucks because we are both tired and freezing. He slept way less than me last night (because I got the normal 8 hours). He was doing some kind of sleep study and he didn't sleep. That makes me laugh. I guess he thinks that he has some problem with sleeping. I don't really know! But if I had a problem with sleeping I would take like 3 sleeping pills and be done. I don't really understand people's problems with sleeping pills. I don't know a single person who sleeps through the whole night without waking up, unless they are sleeping pills. I do understand the whole "being dependent" on them. But if I have to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life just to sleep through the night, then that's fine with me. I love sleeping.

I am getting really excited about moving. I have picked out all the furiture that I want for my room. My mom says that she is going to buy it for me since she owes me so much money. And I am fine with it. I found a whole collection at Target that I loved. I really want black furiture this time. Maybe it will make my room darker, but I don't really care. I really want to have matching furiture this time. My room has just gotten stuff from all over the place. It's kind of crazy how much stuff I have. My room is smaller in my new place, but I don't really care because it's mine. I get really excited when I think about moving. I am trying to get my mom to order stuff soon. I am not a last minute person. Like I wanted to have my taxes already done by now. But my dad keeps telling me that "we will do next weekend." I am not that kind of person! I want to do it this weekend and get it over with. People are so annoying!

My Schedule for Today

I have a plan for today...which may not happen but at least I have a plan.

I am here at work and I decided that I will leave a 4:30 since I got here at 7:45. Then I am going to go home and do my hair. I will get ready for tomorrow (lunch, clothes, etc). Then I am going to head to the gym. I feel like I really need to go because I talked to my mom this morning.

My aunt, cousin and mom got to London at 2 am EST, which was 7 am GMT. They can not check into their hotel until 3 pm GMT. So when I talked to my mom they were at my cousin's flat. Her husband did some really nice things for her. Like he left out her engagement ring (which they had been fighting over), he cleaned the flat, and laid out her mail. This made my cousin think that he was a really great guy that she didn't want to let go of if there was something to save. I can't believe it! I told her that her marriage was over even if she went back to him. I also told her that he would be nice to her in front of my mom and aunt. And in the end she would feel that it was easier just to stay with him. But did she listen to me? No!

My mom keeps telling me that it's not my place to decide about their marriage. I of course know that. But at the same time I know my cousin...and whatever easiest is what she is going to do. It's ridicuous. He may have done a few nice things for her, but in the end he said some really mean stuff to her as well. I feel that the bad words out weigh the good actions. And God only know what will happen when they see each other in a few days (I think they are meeting on Friday).

If I could say anything to my cousin right now it would be:

"Look, you are being a lustful wife! You told me that you wanted to leave him. You said you felt bad about doing it too. But in the end you said that he needs to stop drinking for you to go back to him. And has he? Has he said that he will stop drinking? I doubt it. ShortGirl, it's over! A few nice things that a husband should do for his wife anyways, does not out weigh the fact that he said that he would resent you for the rest of his life if he stopped drinking. Or the fact that he said that he was not sexually attracted to you anymore. Like I told you at the resturant, it may be easier to go back to him, but in the end we will end up right back here in maybe a few weeks, or maybe a few years. But in the end the marriage is over. He did not fight for you to come back. He never even said come back. All he said was 'I wish you would reconsider!' And you have considered everything. Weighed the pros and cons and in the end you found him coming up short. So go back to him if you really love him, but not because it's easier! It's not worth it."

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"I remember what you were like in NYC. And I never want to see you back there again. You are better than that! Plus you are like 5 levels above him on the hottness scale. I love you and support whatever decision you make. But like I said when you were here, you have to call me and explain why you are staying yourself. And if it irrational, I will let you know. And if it a rational reason, then stay."

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But of course she might flip out if I say this to her. But the more I think about it, the more I will want to say it. I am kind of at a lose of what to do. Hence why I will go to the gym and work my ass off to clear my head. And hopefully either give me the strength to not send it or give me the strength to send it. I just don't know what to do.

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I realize that people have to make their own mistakes. But this is pretty big mistake to make to me. She hated London. She had no social life. She wasn't happy! And your husband didn't make it better. In fact, he made it worse. I just don't know what to do!